Busyness

When we were engaged, Drew suggested that for the first year of our marriage we severely limit the number of things we committed to so that we could enjoy each other and really concentrate on our marriage. The idea was to really examine things we could be involved in and decide if even a "good" thing was "best" for our family. I thought it was a great idea and we committed to doing it. However, walking it out was much harder than I thought. There were times I struggled with thinking we were not "doing enough" but also very much enjoying the time we had to be with each other and to work through the normal issues that the first year of marriage presents. We would talk about it and Drew would reassure me we were doing the right thing for the long term. He was right.
Now, let me qualify this by saying we didn't just stay at home all the time and say "no" to everything but we were very selective. All of Drew's family lives here and, thankfully, there was always the understanding that "everyone's invited but if it doesn't suit, that's fine."
I told Drew the other day that I am so glad that we did that and stuck to our guns. It allowed us to build a solid foundation in our marriage and has even carried over into our lives after that first year. There are so many things we can do or be involved in. Anyone who's alive knows and understands that. Look at any statistic and it will show that many of us feel as though we're just "too busy" but don't know how to not be.
I would like to suggest that we really try on this one. It is hard, I know from experience, but there are seasons of life when it is good to be selective about your commitments even if it is to a "good" thing. We are in that season right now with young ones and a growing family. What would we be teaching our children if we were more often than not running from here to there to there but didn't have time to enjoy each other at home? How can we shape and mold them effectively? How can we really get to know our children when we don't have the time to study them? Are we really able to draw close as a family if we're so busy we have to hurry through dinner so we can make it "somewhere?" There have been weeks when we've felt like this in our family and that's when Drew and I have had to take a step back and reexamine our priorities and commitments.
The girls and I stay home a good bit of the time during the day and we really try to limit our commitments at night. Part of that is due to gas prices but it is mostly because home is a great place to be! They are able to get exercise, create with coloring or painting, and pretend whether it's cooking or dressing up. We do have friends over and our children are well socialized so that is not something we worry about. However, there is at times an "unspoken pressure" some of us stay-at-home moms may feel to make sure our children are involved in a lot of different things to make sure they are "well-rounded." I understand the good intention but would argue that there are better ways to do it. If we were running from one thing to the other during the day, I wouldn't have time to make cookies or even dinner with our girls and show them how to read a recipe and why you put certain ingredients in certain things. This hit home when Evie was playing in her kitchen the other day and pretending to read a recipe. She was saying she put olive oil in her pan so the food wouldn't stick. We wouldn't be able to take walks in our neighborhood and see deer or pick blackberries or just pick a few flowers to take home. I would miss seeing the wonder on their faces as they discover these things and that would be a great loss.
I know it's hard to say "no" to things and to people but I would like to encourage all of us moms, including myself, to be OK with being selective about commitments and make it a priority to use that "extra time" to really get to know our children and savor them. We only have one chance.