A Glimpse into Her Heart

Last week I was able to get a glimpse into my oldest's heart. The situation was not a pleasant one at first but was such a blessing and encouragement to me. And the story goes...

We were playing with some other children last week when it was brought to my attention that Mary Fran was being "left out." Having three girls playing together who are about the same age tends to bring this on. This has recently been happening more often. We have been working on that. Now, MF was not handling it well (as usual) by way of whining and crying. We have been working on that as well by encouraging her to not whine and cry but rather get in there and play and be someone others want to play with. After talking with both parties involved related to me, Evie continued to slyly exclude her sister. I asked her to go inside to a room. We needed to talk.

I went in there and we started talking about how Evie would feel if MF was doing the same to her. She, of course, said she wouldn't like it and that she really didn't want to do that to Mary Fran. We talked about how that doesn't show love as the Bible defines love and different ways to handle this particular situation. Then, I reminded her that it was her responsibility to set a good example (something we've been talking about with both girls for a few months now). Then, it seemed a light bulb came on. She began to cry and told me that she didn't want to set a bad example. She wanted to set a good example and be a strong leader. She didn't know why she had chosen to set a bad example.

We then talked about sin and what sin is (again), disobedience to God, His will, and His Word. I explained (gently but plainly) that what Evie had chosen to do, exclude another person and not treat them with love, was sin. That's when the floodgate opened. Her heart broke. In her sobs, she told me she didn't want to sin. She didn't want to be disobedient to God nor did she want to sin against her sister or anyone else. I held her close as she cried and then composed herself and then got to a real chance to speak into her heart.

"I know you don't want to sin and I'm glad to hear that. You know what, though, Evie, you are a sinner. Remember how when Adam and Eve ate the apple in the Garden of Eden that allowed sin to enter the perfect world God created. Ever since then, everyone who has been born has been a sinner and can't do right on their own. But you remember the Good News don't you?"

Head nod and wiping away tears.

"The Good News is that even though we didn't deserve it, God sent His only Son down here to Earth to do what?"

"He died on the cross. And He did it for my sins?"

"Yep, He did it for your sins and mine and everyone else's. Even though He was perfect and NEVER sinned, He died so that we could have no sin and be with Him in Heaven if we accepted Him as our Savior and Lord. Remember what the Bible says? That we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Because Jesus died on the cross we have the power to choose to do what is right and choose not to sin."

Great big smile and I think some relief as well.

I shared with her how I sometimes still choose to sin but God is continuing to give me the strength and wisdom to choose not to sin. We then talked about how the Bible tells us that "if we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us" and what that means. She wanted to pray and we did. The rest of the time there was very peaceful.

We have talked many times about sin, why Jesus came and had to die, what showing love to others actually means and what it really looks like. We've also tried to be open with our children and recognize and apologize when we have been wrong or acted wrongly. There are days where I want to beat my head against the wall and wonder if anything is getting through. The conversation Evie and I had that day was certainly not from me but from the Lord through me. I am so humbled to be in a position to mother and speak to my children's hearts and feel so very inadequate. However, the Lord in His grace and mercy showed me a little glimpse into what He's doing in our firstborn's heart.

Oh, how I have prayed that all of our children would be sensitive to God's calling. I became a Christian in as a Junior in college but for so long I knew God was calling me, convicting me of my sin and need for Him but my practical nature just wouldn't give in. I do not want that for my children. I want them to be able to be sensitive to His conviction and it be a natural and unhindered thing for them to accept Him as their Savior. Tears are forming thinking of the awesome responsibility it is to continually prepare them for that time as a parent and for the strength that is so readily given by Him who made both me and them. How great is our God!