My Will, My Agenda

That's what I've been really learning about/dealing with for the past 36-48 hours. I went to Carrington yesterday and told her I really would like for her to strip my membranes to try to get labor going as I said, "It's time for the baby to get here." (So I thought) She was able to and did strip said membranes, told me to get an homeopathic to help stimulate contractions, go for a walk, etc. and she just may see me in several hours. As soon as I started the homeopathic, that still, small voice was finally able to break through my stubbornness and bring to my attention what I was trying to do.
Nonetheless, I continued the homeopathic every four hours yesterday and we went for a family walk last evening after dinner. I had some contractions but nothing really significant. Then, my husband gently talked to me about how he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't have regrets later looking back and wondering if I had pushed the issue and tried to take the situation into my own hands. He readily acknowledged that he knew I was uncomfortable and didn't know personally what it felt like to be "this pregnant" but just didn't want me to feel any guilt later. I am very thankful to have a husband who knows me so well and knows how to gently bring something like that to my attention because he was right. After that, my prayer was that maybe Cade wouldn't come as a result of everything we had tried and that I would be content with where I was.
I woke up with contractions 3-5 minutes apart at 12:30, went back to sleep, woke with contractions 8 minutes apart at about 3:30, and then they were 10 minutes apart at 4:30. At 6:20 I was out the door for a walk and had narry a contraction. The thing was, though, that I was completely content with that. As I was praying, I kept remembering how the Israelites had asked over and over again in the Old Testament for different things that they thought they "needed." God responded with, "No, you don't. Don't get caught up in the thinking and culture of those around you. Just trust me, as I know what is best for you." Did they listen? Rarely. They would keep asking and eventually the Lord would give them what they wanted only to watch as they suffered the consequences he knew would occur. I walked on very thankful and grateful that the Lord didn't hand me over to my agenda and told him so. He could have easily done that and I can see that I probably would have had regrets for taking things into my own hands.
So now I am content and ready for Cade to come whenever he is ready and it is time for him to make his debut. Am I ready to be able to move easier? Yes but it will happen soon. Am I really that bad off? Heavens, no! I don't have varicosities that cause extreme pain in my legs, I'm not swollen, and while it is hotter than normal here it is NOTHING compared to the summers I had growing up in Columbia. Cade will come soon enough and we will be able to hold him and get to know him. In the meantime, I will enjoy the privilege of getting to carry and nourish him and be thankful for God's mercy and sovereignty.